It took me a few days for my mind to fully grasp I’m back in my homeland. I’d forgotten that I can find a pharmacy open at midnight. And while driving, I can stop anticipating roundabouts. And the barista thinks I’m strange for starting with bonjour, oops, oh well. Welcome back to the USofA! Wooohooo!
My revelations about my own culture and the near-jarring experience of returning home to what now seems so foreign reminds of what I once heard about the psychological process of ex-patriotism.
Step one is realizing the 101 ways in which your new country is better. With this curiosity comes the desire to change and to emulate your findings. You’ll be in a regular state of food coma thanks to the baguettes and cheeses – they are just that much better. And the wine? So cheap! Cheaper than water! With the desire to transform into the epitomy of a young, poised and elegant Parisienne being chic for nearly a hundred years now, I’d argue that must travelers only get this far.
The second stage is a 180 from the first. The joy of new and wonderful discoveries masked the harsh reality, and with it the faults, of the new country. The negatives become impossible to ignore and you begin to reanalyze your native country in a more positive light: Croissants aren’t tasting so good anymore [it's figurative, I promise!], and why aren’t there any decent hamburger joints? Suddenly your native home becomes the best place in the world, and you do what you can to emphasize the fact that you are indeed not French.
The final step is a compromise. No, you’ll never be French, nor the perfect Parisienne, but you’ve also stopped wanting to be. You also can’t ignore that France has changed you and you’re no longer quite so American (or Italian, or German, or Canadian…) anymore either. You’re you – a unique individual no longer defining yourself by the country you’re living in. You’ve embraced the good and the bad of both, and as a result will continue growing and evolving as a global citizen.
Looking back, I can see my journey living in France taking me through each of those steps. Of course there will always be more discoveries and realizations that one or the other culture is better is some regards. But neither one is greater than the other; both have their flaws and both are equally my home.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Bonjour Stephanie,
I have truly enjoyed this post and can relate to all three “stages” you list. After 15 years in Seattle, I can attest I have gone through all three. I am currently in the third stage (the compromise). This does not stop me from planning to find a pied-a-terre in Southern France, where I can spend a few months a year, once my son is in college. That is quite a few years away still but I miss Europe dearly and I know I always will. You mentioned roundabouts in your story. Check out this article I wrote a few weeks ago about our small town in WA state. Hope you enjoy! Veronique aka French Girl in Seattle.
I loved what you wrote about suburbia (the way you feel about “downtown” is what I felt about the shocking cold in Provence, which was also contradictory to all I had read about the South of France. Soleil toute l’année?? Not here!) And as for the roundabouts, you’re right. Not only do most Americans not know how they work, some don’t even know how to make them! We have one that I know of in Philadelphia that seriously needs to be remade because it is a mess as far as who has the right to drive right through and who needs to yield. Congrats to you and 15 years in a foreign country! I hope you are able to find a way back to France like you mentioned. How often do you get to come back and visit?
Great summation of my 3 years abroad in Berlin! Welcome back home-or is it?
Re-bonjour Stephanie. Glad you enjoyed the “Bear Country” story
We come back once a year so we are lucky. We will be back in Europe by Monday morning, and I will blog about the trip. Come back and visit! French Girl in Seattle
This was so poignant!
Oh, you are going to miss the cheap wine! When I was in NYC, my sister bought a few bottles of cheapish wine ($13) and they were horrible, barely drinkable. In France, you can buy an awesome bottle for about 5 euro! Some are even less! It’s crazy! And they are so much better! There are many things I miss about the US, but mostly b/c I can’t find them as readily. It’s all give and take, I suppose…
Awesome goes down to 3 Euro even! Most delicious bordeaux of my life! There is usually something I’m always missing from one or another, but the more I travel between countries, the more I’m ok with not having some of my favorites – I know I’ll be able to make up for it again soon.
So much truth…welcome back (temporarily?)! Bon weekend!
That is what I love about travel – you seek to find answers about yourself and where you come from as well as the world but in the end you realize that there is no such thing as answers but various perspectives that vary from person to person, place to place. There is no better or worse but just is amazing experiences and cultural variations that we are fortunate enough to experience and appreciate.
The Wanderfull Traveler
I could not have said that better! You summed it up beautifully! I wish everyone could have a bit of this experience – I think the world would turn a bit smoother.